My Sweet Valentine
by soulrefrain
Summary: "My heart broke into pieces as I saw them kiss, oh God it hurts, it hurts so much" Shinji and Asuka ^_^ valentine special


Hideaki Anno Sensei and Gainax Owns Shin Seiki Evangelion.  
  
^_^ For you Kris,  
  
Teenage dirtbag is a song by Wheatus.  
  


My Special Valentines  


Shinji's point of View

  
"Asuka…" I gasped in horror as I felt my heart broke into a million pieces. 

(Ritsuko humor: Heart = hypothalamus, I just like Ritsuko)  
  
I tried to blink again and again, but the horrid image was stuck in my head. _Life…_ _like shit to flies_. I literally wanted to puke. God! I couldn't take it anymore, the rejection was too much, I wish she had told me earlier, at least it would not have been this painful. 

__

Maybe…

No I must be dreaming this isn't happening, this isn't true. I'm just asleep listening to my SDAT player. That's it! This is just a dream, a very bad dream. 

__

Ha… Ha ha… ha ha ha

"Why Asuka? I guess I'm just nobody, I'm just a teenage dirtbag to you."  
  
I closed my eyes one more time and walked away. "What a fucking great time to start Valentines Day."  
  
_Pendant… _

I felt the pendant I bought for her; it took six months allowance from different odd jobs. Sigh… "Should I throw it away?" 

"All for nothing mother, I wish I never tried." But I couldn't, I need to be sure. I'm going to ask Asuka later at home. 

__

Assurance… hopes… or loves…

I felt my heart light up a bit, a little hope. I smiled, "Just a little hope Shinji and you feel happy, such a fool." I whispered to myself, but I felt glad anyway.  
  
Katsuragi Apartment  
  
"What are you talking about Shinji?" Asuka replies defensively.  
  
_Liar,_

I already know the truth, I saw it, and even you saw it too. (You ^_^)  
  
I guess she never really took me seriously. I'm just a toy, a plaything. Her personal joke. God I feel so fucking used. I guess I better let go of her, I pity the other guy though, Masune Ishiro. Sooner or later, she'll dump him too. I guess I didn't notice the tear that fell from my eye.  
  
I just smiled and took her hand yet she didn't resist me. She felt sorry for me, or she just wants the attention, or she wants to have more fun… either way, she still has my heart, but I'm letting her go anyway.  
  
I knelt in front of her and gently kissed her palm, then I placed my Valentine's gift in her hand. 

__

I know… Asuka… well, it's been swell.

Her guilt, it showed all over her face… I could see how guilty she was, I could see the guilt in her eyes, but it doesn't matter anymore. Even as I toy… used and all… I might as take advantage of it… I'm still beside her no longer as someone special but… as what?

  
"Shinji…" she muttered slightly, she took the gift I gave her and placed it near her heart. I don't know if she cared but I felt special when she did that. Her facial expression changed and she smiled. I really love to see her smile. She can be so cute when she wants to, not only that… she can be beautiful when she wants to.  
  
"I know Asuka, it's ok, I hope I've made you happy." I said in an almost sad tone. I frowned slightly, then smiled. "I've always like you Asuka… no matter who you are… I like you for you… I love you because of who you are… because your Asuka…" I smiled as was about to leave… "Just… just don't forget me ok?"  
  
"Shinji…" she replied, I could see the disappointment in her eyes, I guess she wanted me to say, _As a sign of my love for you, to you and you alone and no one else but you._  
  
"I'll always be here for you Asuka, I'll always be your friend." I said as I walked away from her. I guess I'm still jealous, the scene were they kissed was too much for me. _Come with me forever, don't say maybe._ I felt the tear that fell from my face and wiped it. "Good night Asuka!" I said to her before I closed the door to my room, were I ran to my bed and began to cry. "My Iron maiden, no… not mine, not anymore."  
  
Asuka stood outside of Shinji's room, she was surprised how things turned out. "Shinji… I… I've always cheated on you… and for some reason, you knew… and that I… I know… I was wrong… still you accept me for who I am… because I'm Asuka… Asuka Langley Souryu, I'm so, so, so sorry." She whispers. She always thought of him as someone she could use, a toy, a teenage dirtbag, yet he was something more. He was special.  
  
"Friendship, I don't want your friendship Shinji! BAKA!" she silently whispers to herself, God I want your love, I want your love, I want your love, I want you. She found herself kneeling in front of his door now, silent prayers unanswered. "I want you,"  
  
I found myself crying, more and more. God I hate crying, but it hurts, I never cried like this when Mom died, I never cried like this when Dad left me. I guess this is the first thing I felt close to someone.  
  
I gently caressed my stomach, trying to calm myself down, but I couldn't tears just fell from my eyes, it's funny really. A boy fourteen and a half years old, crying, folded in a fetal position, hugging his knees, one hand to his abdomen. Tears falling like theirs no tomorrow. God I'm funny isn't I? What a fucking joke.  
  
I slapped myself, 'You're a man, a real man doesn't cry, so don't cry, don't cry, damn it don't cry.' I silently cursed myself for not being strong enough. I wasn't strong enough so I cried. God it felt good to cry.  
  
Asuka caressed the door of Shinji's room, Shinji's lovely suite. "He gave up on me… He saw me and Masune" _Dumb move Asuka,_ _God why do I play with their hearts so much, now I've hurt the one person who loved me.  
_  
_I guess wonder-girl will take him away from me now. No don't want that, I don't want to loose him, his mine, I want him all for my self.  
_  
Asuka slides the doors open, "Thank God, he never locks his door." She whispers. _No locks… _  
  
Inside she saw Shinji, he was crying, _I guess he thinks I never gave a damn about him.  
_  
_God, I hate when he sobs, stop crying you idiot. Makes me want to fucking slap you…_  
  
She gently gave him a hug, _I, I'm sorry._

"Hey…"_  
_  
"!" 

"Asuka?"  


"Who else Baka?"

Shinji just smiled… yet his lips quivered…

  
Tears began to fall from her eyes, "Please don't cry anymore Shinji, please don't, you make me sad when you do. I don't want to see you cry because of me, not anymore, not ever. You're hurting me when you cry, so please don't cry."  
  
_I'm just like you_. She ran her fingers on his hair, down to his cheeks and pulled him closer towards her.  
  
"I love you Shinji, please don't push me away now."  
  
Shinji remained silent, hugging himself more, "I'm sorry Asuka, I can't help it, it just hurts so much, I… I can't stop myself. If, if I can't have you all to myself, then, then I don't want you at all."  
  
"I, I…" Asuka stutters  
  
"It's ok Asuka, I know you love someone else." Shinji said coldly. _God what are you thinking man, just say yes, I love you too… what's eating you. _ He mentally punishes himself.  
  
"Shinji, it isn't what you think, it's… nothing, he's… he's…"  
  
"I saw you kiss him Asuka, it's ok, I've accepted it already." He's expression change into a smile. A soft forgiving yet sad smile. 'I'm sorry Asuka…'  
  
_God he gave up on me… Tears, are these tears I feel on my face. Oh God, please change his mind. _ "Oh God," she whispers. "Shinji I…" _I'm sorry  
_  
"If… I… can't… have… you… all… to… my… self… I… don't… want… you… at… all…" Shinji replies. "I take it you've made your decision," Shinji says sadly.  
  
"I… I…" _God damn it, why can't I say I love you. I want to hold you, kiss you, taste your sweet lips, touch you, caress you, feel you and love you.  
_  
Shinji closed his eyes. _I'm hurting her again, like I always do, I hurt those beside me, I hurt them all, why won't I just die. _ He silently bowed his head in defeat.  
  
Asuka pulled him closer to her.  
  
"Asuka…"  
  
"Shut up… just shut up… I don't care what your thinking right now, or what ever you saw. I won't ever let go of you again. Your mine Shinji, I don't want to loose you, your mine, you don't belong to anyone but to me."  
  
"Asuka…" he looks up to her. Her blue eyes were glittering, like an angel. Shinji smiled.  
  
"Shut up… don't speak anymore Baka, just listen to me… I love you don't you get it? I love you to death."  
  
Asuka closed her eyes and ran her arms to Shinji's neck and began to squish. Tears fell from her eyes. "If I can't have you, no one will."

She then grins… _I'll kill you Shinji… if… if you won't accept me… I'll kill then… I'll probably kill myself too._

__

Asuka, I… I love you. Asuka please don't hate me Asuka please don't, I won't leave you. Asuka please don't kill me. Yet all that came out of his mouth was a whisper…  
  
_I don't want to fight back, not to you Asuka; I'm just a teenage dirtbag_  
  
Shinji… smiled…

"I love you too… Asuka…"  
  
No matter how much it hurt, he closed his eyes accepting death. He reached out for her face and caressed it one last time. _Asuka, no matter how it hurts, I love you.  
_  
"Shinji… I, I'm sorry." She slowly slumped into his chest. "I love you and no one else, I to you and you to me. As always and will be."  
  
"I love you Asuka…" he says, caressing her soft skin.  
  
"I love you forever Shinji." she purred as she pulled herself towards him. "Happy Valentines." As she kissed his lips. "My valentine"  
  
THE END


End file.
